Saturday, January 17, 2009

Hello Princess Pissy Pants

This morning I woke up on the WRONG side of the bed. Which is unfortunate because the first thing on my schedule for today was; 9am: Cut and Color- which I desperately needed and enjoyed- even as pissy as this post is going to sound.

Le sigh. 

My tale of grumpiness begins yesterday. In the last legs of work I was getting increasingly tired. Not tired like, "once I leave here I'll perk right up" tired like my whole body felt like it was sinking in jell-o. None the less I wearied myself through until 5pm- lead footed it to Macy's by my house- paid a mint on my cc bill and took my tired ass home where I immediately sunk into the couch to have "just a little nap before Ben comes home".

Wrong. Ben got home, offered me some apple juice. I muttered something at him to the effect of, "put it in the fridge"and rolled over. A little while passed and Ben asked me when he wanted to be waked- I told him in awhile and went back to sleep. 9pm rolls around and Ben lifts my head up off the couch. sits, and replaces it on his lap, "Are you sick?" he asks,
 "No!" I snarl back.
"Well when do you want to wake up- you're going to sleep all night!"
"Fine- wake me before you go upstairs to go to bed" and I was out cold again.

At 11 Ben woke me and told me to go upstairs. I vaguly remember undressing in the dark and groping for whatever big tshirt he had nearby and out again I was. 

After 13 hours of sleep I woke groggy and annoyed.I took a shower and put on my face. I was pissed that I hadn't taken the time to wrap my sister's birthday presents before my Rip Van Winkle proportions nap and was forced to throw them in crinkled gift bags sans tissue paper...ellegant I know. As I was trying to get out the door, Ben grumped down the stairs. At about the same time I realized my cell phone was AWOL and asked Ben for his to call mine. This is how that conversation turned out.

Me: I can't find my phone- where's yours?
He: I don't know what do you need mine for?
Me: To call mine- where is it?
He: Did you look in your purse
Me: Yes
He: Did you look in your coat pockets?
Me: Yes! I'm going to be late? Where is your phone?!?!?
He: I don't know- why do I have to be the keeper of your phone?
He: (Finding his phone) I'm going to check my email on here first

I finally found my phone on the floor of my car- dropped there apparantly by my sleep walk into the house and onto the couch. I get a quick kiss good-bye and book to my appointment. 

All goes well there (at least with my hair anyway) until I go to pay after services rendered. I give them my Macys card and its declined. I have them try 3 more times before I finally give up and call credit card services where they inform me that my limit has been lowered- who knows why. I don't have pristine credit but I love how after making a HUGE payment to them they decide to lower my limit so that I didn't have enough available credit to cover my bill. Paying them with my checking acoount would have taken all the rest of the money that I had being that I had already paid all my due bills and had paid MORE on my Macys to have my hair done on it. Luckily my mom and my sisters were at the mall to meet me for lunch for Denise's birthday so my mom gave me the money in cash minus forty which I had in cash and I paid my hair with that so that I would at least have enough money to eat lunch with my family and see a movie. 
At that point I was so embarrassed and so pissed at Macys (they told me point blank that they weren't required to inform me of a limit decrease) that I was sour grapes going to lunch. 

I got over it though and enjoyed myself at both lunch and the movie...although I now have approximately 20 dollars to my name to last for just under 2 weeks (thanks Macys)  and that leaves me just a touch freaked out.

I came home to call Sprint about my crappy Blackberry Pearl and why after 8 months I still haven't gotten my $100 rebate (apparantly it was just an oversight and I should now expect it within 15 business days) but they still haven't fixed the fact that my phone is a peice of shit and I'm just overall grouchy. I feel that at any given moment I could blow my shit and I need a way to calm that. Alcohol maybe? I know not sleep...I can't sleep at all today after wasting so much time doing that yesterday. Ugh well I'm going to get off here and try not to kill Ben for breathing.

I clearly have a case of PMS.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

It's Over

During my lunch break this afternoon I hopped into Borders to pick up the Herbie Hancock CD my sister requested for her birthday. While I was there I snagged my monthly copies of In Style and Playboy featuring this month- you guessed it; The Girls Next Door.

I knew this issue was coming and was excited to hear (finally) what is to be the fate of my beloved (albeit slightly decadent) TV obsession because its can't be possibly be true that ALL THREE girls are leaving the show...could it?

It could. The article featuring the girls confirmed that after this season the show will be in a period of major transition. All three girls have moved out of the mansion, none of the girls are continuing "romantic" relationships with Hef, all are pursuing individual careers. OK....fine...loyal fans can accept that...what I am having a hard time accepting is that the show is going to continue without the original cast.


I mean fine- have a spin off show featuring the Shannon twins (not hot by the way- at least not by comparison ) and any other playmate that Hef is now dating- but don't go on pretending the show is still The Girls Next Door--- Holly, Bridget, and Kendra ARE the Girls Next Door! Maybe the show was always set up with the thought in mind that "The Girls Next Door" is meant to encompass any of the girls that become Hef's girlfriends and live in the mansion- but after 5 seasons the viewers fell in love with the originals and any replacements are just going to end up feeling like adding a "cute kid" to revive a failing 80s sitcom. Not cute enough, not funny enough, not interesting enough.

Now, I'm sure that the next season of The Girls will offer enough cameo appearances of Hol, Bridg, and Ken to drag along enough of the original fans for one more season-especially with the confirmation that Kendra's mansion wedding to Hank Baskett will be featured in season 6- but after that who knows.

I'm sure I sound a little pathetic talking about this in such extent- but I really do enjoy the show and the insight into a life and lifestyle that I will never know. It was a fantasy ride that was just real enough to relate I'm afraid all of this will be lost in the death match that is sure to come when more GND hopefulls battle for rooms in the mansion and their own bobblehead dolls.

I'm bummed.


Tonight I'm Feeling: Bummed, Full, Sleepy, and COLD!! Brrr!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Just a Day

I am going to bed so early tonight!

By so early I mean that after deciding I was most comfortable in neon striped boy short panties and an oversized sunshine yellow granny night gown and applying Clean & Clear spot treatment to a menacing little pimple; I hopped into bed. The overhead fan is whirling (cool air makes me sleepy), Mean Girls is playing in the background, and once I've said my piece for the evening- its sweet dreams.

Today was a good day. Not great, not bad. I felt mildly accomplished at the j-o-b even without my beloved assistant and am oh so thankful that the snow that was "supposed" to begin at 10 am and last throughout the day, never even so much as threatened a flurry until 4pm. I left work at about 4:30- I figured if the snow had held off that long I better get my butt home before it really started coming down and I would be forced to spend the night at work. I guess on one hand its nice that I do work for a company where I am able- if not encouraged to spend the night if the weather turns bad. One of my loveliest ladies-Emmy (the one who chain smokes and only attends outings that offer bars so she can have her Manhattans and Mudslides) offered me her pull-out bed if I should ever have the need- but I hope to never have the need. As much as I love my residents....I REALLY love my own bed. It's perfectly broken in with satiny soft sheets and a comforter worn just to perfection and a big lump of boyfriend on the other side whom I rarely touch during the night (we're not snuggle sleepers) but who gives me comfort just in being there. Yes, my bed is nice.

When I arrived home I tossed in a load of colors (shiiit I just now remembered that its still in the washer....damn) and got dinner started- we had salmon patties and fried potatoes- a rare treat because its all fried and so bad for you- but my mom- being opposed to frozen seafood- used to make it for me as kid when I thought fish was icky and I have to say- I still love it. Needless to say: this super fatty meal is more than likely why I'm super comfortable in this giant nightgown as opposed to anything a bit less retirement home appropriate. After dinner I haven't really done much- tested my brainage (22 thankyouverymuch) and played a few sudoku puzzles (yes I realize I sound like a giant dork) and now I'm here.

Tomorrow I have a meeting at 8:30 which means I need to be there around the time that I normally leave my house. I have these meeting once a month with other Activities professionals from other branches of my company. I like attending them but what really stinks is that when I leave my house I actually have to go about 15 miles in the opposite direction of work and then leave the meeting and drive those 15 miles + another 26 to make it down. Most of the time I enjoy the drive to unwind and regroup but in winter, especially when threatening snow (and in dangerously cold temps) I am not neccessarily a fan. The good news is its already Thursday's Eve....this week is flying by - and thanks to a certain man "Having a Dream" this weekend offers a bonus day off- score!

So I'm off to dream land.


Miss Amber Lane

Tonight I'm Feeling: Sleepy, Glad, Relaxed

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

So Tired

I am blogging from work just before leaving for the day.

I got here at 8:30 and was hoping to already be making pavement by 5:00 but alas it's 5:20 and I'm still here. Sometimes I just keep telling myself, "just one more thing before I leave, just one more thing".


My assistant is heading back to school tomorrow which leaves her with an irradic schedule and me sans an assistant at odd and sometimes unfortunate times. I guess everything takes some adjustment.

Well ...I'm off here and off towards home...hopefully I find some energy in the Diet Coke I've been slurping on sometime on the 45 minute commute home- that way I can cook dinner, make a dent in all the housework I've been shirking and still shower and make it to bed at a descent time.

I can't even imagine how the ladies who have children on top of a job and a life get things done...I want to find out someday but right now....dang!


Miss Amber Lane

Today I'm Feeling: Tired, Pseudo Accomplished, and Cold (it's brrr outside!)

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Year That Changed My Life: Part I

In passing this weekend I caught a clip from a segment that the Good Morning America cast members must be taking turns doing, it was called: The Year That Changed My Life and that phrase really got me to thinking: if I had to pick a year that changed my life- at age 24 what would I pick? Now most of the time when someone poses these ground-breaking questions such as what was the happiest day of your life thus far or the worst- I really have no idea- but it only took me a few moments to decide on this one. The year that changed my life was the year of my junior year in high school: 2000-2001 and this is my story.

I was 16, platinum-peroxide blonde, and more tan than I had ever been in my life. My boyfriend since the beginning of high school had dumped me ruthlessly just before the start of summer for a mousy soon-to-be freshman and my ego had taken a major nose dive. To compensate I bleached my dark brown, lightened to strawberry blonde hair -all the way to Marilyn Monroe proportions, spent the summer working at a local water park as a concession stand girl (at the start of the summer I was still 15 and though I longed to be a lifeguard like my friend Jen- my early August birthday robbed me of the chance) and got my self heavily involved with overdosing on the over-the-counter drug Coricidan Cough and Cold and snorting Aderol from time to time. Oh, and did I mention I shoplifted the Coricidan and probably thousands of dollars worth of the crap that teenage girls think they need too? I was a bad ass candy coated in a perfectly prissy exterior and no one suspected a thing- My outward appearance was the only alibi I needed to get out of trouble with parents, employers, and cops- "she's soooo cute and friendly, she couldn't possibly be any trouble" they would think. One time I honest-to-God begged my way out of being arrested for stealing a $10 t-shirt in Virginia Beach by claiming I had read an article in Seventeen magazine about teen theft and I wanted to see if I could get away with it. I was given a slap on the writst and told to go back to my towel and tan.

Looking back- it was ridiculous- I was ridiculous. I was popping handfuls of pills every night with my friend Jen, working all day in the hot summer sun, and feeling like I was the Queen of the Universe. I can tell you even now though- I wasn't addicted to the pills- or even the shop lifting- how it all ended is still proof enough of that- when it was over- it was just over. I was merely doing these things to pass the time, add some excitement to my life and prove that I was more than a cheerleader, a girlfriend, a daughter, a singer, an actress, or a miss priss- I don't know why I thought that doing things that could kill me would give me the edge that I needed- but I did. I was smug at what a "troubled" princess I was and I was just waiting for someone to rescue me. But it was a some"one" that rescued me.

My junior year started and I basked in the compliments of how different I looked as a Barbie Blonde, how well dressed I was (in all my stolen clothes), How beautiful my tan was. I was in honors classes, a cheerleader, in choir,band, and drama, I was nominated for the homecoming court- my grades were good, I was dating the boy I had been secretly in love with while dating the ass hole who had dumped me and in my mind I was flawless. Generally this is when the mighty fall. And yes, I fell. See, though I felt like a pampered princess in my own self indulgent mind -I was far from a spoiled rich girl. I was just the opposite in fact. My mom had worked a series of low-paying jobs for years after being laid off from her job with the postal service of nearly 20 years. Paired with her poor judgment when it came to the little money she did have, we soon found ourselves staring at an eviction notice- the second one in less than 2 years.

With no money to use to find another place and no good job to keep mom from remaining in our home town- she delivered the news that would shake my world to the core. We would be moving in with my sister and her family- in Tennessee and we were going just 2 days after my junior year homecoming. I was devastated and I spent the few remaining weeks writing tearful goodbye letters to all my friends and favorite teachers, cheering at games, and making out with the dream boyfriend. We drove away without much fanfare on a Monday evening and I cried myself to sleep in the car on the way down. Today, a five hour move doesn't sound so bad- but to a 16-year-old it might as well have been China that we were moving to. We settled into my sister's house with her husband and five-year-old son and I tried to resume a normal teenage life- but it was nearly impossible. Kids at my new school were nice to me- but no one cared that much about being my friend- it was like my worst fear realized they all had friends and groups and I was the outcast and in the heart of the bible belt, in the same city that housed the Church of God Headquarters of America and a Christian University I was surrounded by preacher's kids and missionaries- not to mention that my own brother-in-law too was a minister of music and with my mom working all the time and me left under my sister's care and discretion I was forced to attend church every time my sister and brother-in-law did- Sunday morning, night, Tuesday for choir practice, Wednesday- and did I mention that we had to get there an hour early for each service? I went from an Easter and Christmas church goer to a full on "bible beater" in the blink of an eye and I was miserable. Not to mention that I felt like a hypocrite- there I was the baby sister of the most ritous woman in the church (and not ritous in a bad way she's always was and still is an awesome woman of God--- if you beleive in that sort of thing) roped into being in the teen church choir and singing all my praises to God- while I wore outfits of stolen clothes and still vividly remembered what it felt like to get high off of cold medicine. Plus I didn't feel like praising God- it was he who allowed my life to go up in smoke. My dreams of graduating with my friends, being homecoming queen senior year and continuing up the ladder to social royalty were dead and I was pissed. Pissed at my family, pissed at myself for not thinking of a way to keep it all from happening, and pissed at God.

Oh- and just to add a little physical insult to injry- I had also had a mishap with some hair dye and had accidentally dyed my platinum, shoulder length hair, grayish blonde- I spent 5 hours in the hair salon having it fixed and came out with chin length brown hair. In losing that last piece of myself-I felt like I had lost my entire identity.

Two months after we moved down- my sister dropped the bombshell that my bro-in-law had been offered a position in Tampa, Fl and that he was going to take it. They were moving and we weren't expected to come along. My sister offered to help us find a place near where there house was but my mom felt that if we were going to have pay rent and be on our own again so soon that we were better off back at home- so we packed our bags and a U-Haul truck and I was so happy to be Ohio-bound again.

It wasn't as simple as that though. Mom's money problems weren't gone and we still faced the issue of not having any place to live or the money to find a place. So we came back to Ohio and crashed at my grandfather's apartment about 45 minutes from where we had lived my whole life. This was the lowest point. For nearly two months we lived in my grandpa's 2 bedroom apartment. After he sold his house he went for the bare minimum of posessions. He had one arm chair in his living room and a table and chairs set with two chairs. In his bedroom there was one full size bed and in the guest bedroom there was...nothing. So for nearly two months my mom slept in his arm chair and I slept on a foam mat on the floor of the guest bedroom. I wasn't in school because Mom wanted me to wait so that I could return to my old school. The trouble was- we couldn't find a place to rent anywhere near there that she could afford- truth be told, with no job she couldn't afford anything. So day after day we stayed on at grandpa's. I was so afraid that I would get held back a year for missing so much school and I cried everyday thinking about my friends graduating and moving on to college and me still behind all because of the poor choices that someone else (my mother) had made. I began to see my mother as weak. She had sunk into a minor depression and found it hard to do the things that needed to be done to better our situation. I'm sure that I made it no easier with all my 16 year-old heartless accusations but at the time it was my mechanism for coping. I wrote in my diary everyday- sometimes twice a day about how miserable I was and wrote tortured poetry. I still to this day have never felt more alone then I did in those few months. My friends from home sympathized with me but continued to live their American Highschooler lives. Complete with basketball games, pep rallies, and dances. I finagled myself invites to their major events from boys who were my friends by making out with them afterwords- but the truth was- I wasn't interested in them I just wanted to be there - where I felt I was supposed to be- but I never got there.

In February 4 months after we moved to Tennessee my grandfather agreed to fund an apartment for mom and me so long as we stayed in his town- the town where he had lived his entire life and where my mother grew up. It was an offer she couldn't refuse. We found a place just a few streets away in the crowded little college town and I enrolled immediately in the high school from which my own mother graduated in 1963. I was prepared for another round of misery from another new school- when much to my surprise I found a brand new place to call home.


Whew! All this reminiscing is taking much longer than I thought that it would- so I've decided to divide this post into a couple of parts. In the next part I'll talk about how all of these events led to changing my life- for the better and how sometimes it takes a terrible storm to give you the most beautiful rainbow!

Much Love,

Miss Amber Lane

Tonight I'm Feeling: Nostalgic, Proud, Relieved

Random Musings of The Young, Blonde, and Fabulous

1. Went to the eye doctor this weekend and as expected I need glasses to drive and when on the computer and pretty much anytime I feel I'm not seeing well- you bet your butt I picked out the cutest pair there: Picture taken via the cellular tellular- I get them HOPEFULLY later this week- a picture of me in them is sure to ensue
2. Blogging from work- I'm in a Monday afternoon coma and am looking for an escape route

3. I just learned that my expense account limit has been lowered by $1,000 which is a major bummer- yet I also have to say that if this is as much as the "recession" is going to affect my

j-o-b then I really don't have much to complain about

4. I'm an Activities and Volunteer Coordinator for a retirement home by name but an Event Planner by education, roots, and prior experience- I love my residents but I sure miss the parties I used to coordinate and all the creative liberties true event planning offers.

5. My digestive system has changed. I love Spicy food but lately my stomach does not- or too much dairy- or too much anything which I am not complaining about its just wierd how lately so many of my tasted (in everything) have begun to change. This is also true of alcohol. I still like to partake but I kid you not the day after is like a vacation in hell. I used to be able to get up, pop some Advil, throw my hair in a pony and do anything- now even after the headache and nausea subside I'm a couch-bound fatigued wreck. This explains why all of Sunday was spent horizontal and my house is a complete disaster.

6. I discovered Tool Academy yesterday- It's on VH-1 and I recommend it highly.... if not for any other reason than the fact that so often on reality TV there are guys that you look at and think Dousche Bag....well this show actually points it out and tells these tools to their faces that they are tools and I love it. Really though the best part is that their being called out in front of their girlfriends and being forced to change or say goodbye- I believe it could be for the greater good.

7. I also still heart Rock of Love- Brett Michaels is so unintentionally funny and the girls so trashtastic and ridiculous how can you not be addicted?

8. We saw Bride Wars on Friday night- very cute- I recommend to any chick flick lover

9. Dinner tonight avec ma mere- were going to have Chinese

10. Finally having my hair done Saturday morning- during the holidays my stylist was a busy gal- so I'm way over due for a cut and color- I also go the extra mile though and have her entirely curl my hair or fix my lockes in a casual updo- I mean why not- I'm also natching all the low lights- I miss being a true (bottle) blonde.
11. Sister's birthday lunch also on Saturday
12. Am way sick of winter- it's supposed to go into the negatives this week---no thank you. Beginning to plan for a late spring vacation- I can't freaking wait!
I have to go prepare our daily social now so I must be off- I am really going to try to write more frequently now though- and post more pictures..after all that is the fun part- is it not?

Miss Amber Lane
Today I'm feeling: Lazy, Chipper, and Content