I journeyed north west to visit the blessed child in the town of my college alma mater yesterday at the home of Julie's parents. The visit was short and surprisingly awkward as Julie's c-section merited the use of percoset and she was aptly under its influence. I brought a gift that sat still- wrapped at the foot of her recliner through the entirety of my visit, held the baby who was bundled tight in a soft pink blanket- chubby cheeks lightly flushed and making those precious baby noises that make even the most child-cynic female yern for preocreation, made polite chit-chat with lurking family members-who were not worthy of the "polite" part (more on that in a moment), then politely excused myself claiming that I was concerned that Julie get all the rest she needs. And baby, I was gone.
I left feeling as though I could cry at a moment and it wasn't because I was overcome with joy for my friend. It was more a feeling of loss. Sitting in that living room with my friend of 7 years I felt insignficant. It didn't really matter that I was there, or what I had to say. It didn't matter how far I came to be there or any of the history she and I had as friends. It was all about Julie's life change, Julie's history, Julie's baby.
Now I know this sounds like I'm jealous of the baby- and believe me I DO think these things should be celebrated and that my friends deserve the attention but I also think its important to acknowledge that those of us who aren't celebrating a marriage or a baby still have feelings and accomplishments worth celebration too---but these things pale in the shining glory of all the weddings and baby showers-whilst at the same time we are mourning the loss of friends who are trading in bars and bed hopping for bling and baby bjorns. I think what I'm trying to say is: its a lot harder than I ever would have dreamed to be on the "losing" side of the domestic bliss hurddle.
I'm tired of losing girl's nights out because my gf's can't part with new bfs. I'm tired of blowing hundreds of dollars on shower presents, flowers, cards, balloons, outfits, penis gifts, bridesmaids dresses, hair appointments, etc, etc, etc for friends who are so wrapped up in their life choices to even remember to buy me a shot on my birthday- or for that matter even show up to the bar. It's EXHAUSTING to celebrate each and every milestone in each and every friend's lives when no one celebrates yours. What if I never get married or have babies (not saying I don't want to- just what if I don't) does that mean no one ever has to celebrate me?
I know that Carrie Bradshaw went through this in season 6 with the stolen strappy sandals- to which she remedied the situation by marrying herself and registering at Manolo Blahnik- but this is a real-to-life dilemma- when married/babified friends fail to acknowledge that single friend's lives,jobs, new homes, promotions are just as important in a different respect as husbands and babies it just leaves one feeling, well, in my case: petulant, spoiled, frustrated, and at times mayhaps even a little, dare I say it? Left out.
Hmph. Admitting that is like swallowing a martini full of broken glass but I suppose its the adult thing to do.
Now I know that Julie is probably catching the brunt of this simply because I have endured a seemingly endless string of engagement announcements, bridal showers, weddings, and pregnancies over the last year. She is my friend, Nothing will change that. I just felt like these things I've been thinking were worth noting and I'm sure that I'm not alone on this.
Alright...before I sound even more like a spoiled brat I bid you farewell.
Tonight I'm Feeling: Petulant, spoiled, frustrated, and left out.