Friday, December 5, 2014

When There's Nothing Left to Say

XMas 2008 Around the time I started this blog

I logged into blogger today ... for the first time in a long time. Every now and then I maybe snuck a peek from Instagram if a link was posted but for the most part, Blogger has been a thing of ancient history...and my news feed reflects that. Of the many I have been a follower of for years...only about 5 update their blogs with any regularity, and even those bloggers take to the Instagram way more than Blogger. Its ok. Its just another sign of the times that are changing.

Dec 2014 Work Bathroom Selfie
My world is oh-so-different than when I started this blog, as many of ours are. I started this blog as a young, overweight girl, in a long-term relationship who was salty over the fact that her boyfriend wouldn't propose. Then suddenly we were engaged. Then I lost the weight. Then we were married. Then I was self-obsessed. Then the marriage crumbled. Then my life went to utter shit. Then it started to turn around. Now? Now, things are good. Almost too good, scary good....nothing can stay good for too long can they?

There's no room for that type of pessimism here...of course things can stay that good - because for once in my life I am working hard at these things. I'm not constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop anymore, I'm not striving for goals that are unimportant in the grand scheme of life like an over-the-top wedding for a relationship that was probably doomed before the engagement ring ever went on my finger or losing weight and "getting hot" for all the wrong reasons. For years...I tried to convince myself that what the gossip mill said about me, "Amber lost all that weight and thought she was too good for her husband" wasn't true...but there was an iota of truth to it...maybe more than iota. My personal goals were all a mess. There's really not much more that I can say about that.

Now I just want to be good for all the people in my life that are important. Its sad that it took me this long to figure that out and that I hurt people along the way, but its good to finally feel like I am aligned as a person, that I have figured out what's important and what's just fluff.

I can't blog regularly anymore. I don't have that much to say anymore. No, my life hasn't suddently turned boring but who has time for all this? Not only that but I have no grand aspiration to be some major blogger and go to blog wonderland or whatever that convention the die-hard bloggers go to every year. I don't want sponsers, I don't want haters, and I don't want to have to be someone's role model... I tried to go that way. At one point when I was really kicking ass at the fitness goals, I think I flirted with the idea of going the direction that Mama Laughlin (god love her kick-ass self) went in with training and competitions ... I was planning to be certified in group fitness and everything..but at that had other plans and I didn't handle my big D as gracefully as she seems to be (matter of fact one might say that I went bat-shit crazy for awhile...whatevs) so I had to be more focused on pulling my own head out of my arse than getting amazingly fit. And while I wish I could look in the mirror today and see abs like Mama L and not the 10lbs I gained back from my lowest weight back around the time of my seperation..... I know that everything happens for a reason. And while things that I went through sucked....they made me stronger and better than I ever have been before.

Maybe some days I'll want to blog. Maybe some days I won't. Maybe Blogger is on its way to becoming what MySpace became (read: obsolete) and it won't matter if I blog or not.  Maybe the point of this particular post is becoming convaluded ...maybe I don't really know how to spell that word and I'm not going to spell check it. Whatever it is, it is.

I hope that if this post shows up in a newsfeed graveyard of yours and you're surprised to see after months and months this so-called: "blonde bride" has posted something; that you take a moment to say hi and tell me how you've been - especially if we've exchanged words before. Many of the bloggers who author blogs that I read regularly; I feel like I know personally and its always a welcome surprise to hear from any of you!

I guess before I go I want to tell anyone that's reading that its ok to change. You don't have to feel bad because what you once offered on your blog is no longer the real you; in my case a 25 year old blonde fiancee/wife who was Zumba obsessed turned 30 year old, raven haired singer, girlfriend, vegetarian, blah,blah,blah whatever ... just embrace who you are, put it out there and if people don't like it .... well, there's a reason you have two middle fingers.....hold em' up, smile, and move on.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Life Right Now

Life has been good lately. Work is going well, the band is kicking ass, and some exciting things have happened lately.
As I mentioned in my last post I got to check something off my 30 before 30 list... A Trip to LA!
While we enjoyed the trip together LA was not necessarily our favorite place to visit. Too much traffic, too much smog, the people weren't very nice.....
But I saw a few interesting things...
The Friends set at Warner Brothers
Warner Brothers tour was by far my favorite thing that we did! We saw The Big Bang Theory Set, Two and a Half Men set, Pretty Little Liars outdoor sets (I've never seen the show but I hear its a hit), amazing costumes and cars from movies and all sorts of interesting things! 50 bucks well spent!
Marilyn Monroe's Burial Site
I was amazed how small the cemetery was and hidden behind office buildings like it was nothing special. A legend is behind that wall!
Ella Fitzgerald's Star
Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russel's Handprints and Signatures
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes....
I would have sworn by this for many, many moons...
But then I switched over to the dark side....
( glad I went completely dark as opposed to the mousy brown/blonde I was sporting in LA-barf!)
And I'm not having any trouble with the gentlemen....
Or gentleman is at were.
The Rockstar and I celebrated 100 shows together a couple of weeks ago!
It took us just over one year and lots of blood, sweat, and tears but we got there and now well beyond! Our every Wednesday gig had a cake made for us to celebrate. It tasted as amazing as it looked!
Besides the band we are doing beautifully together as a couple and just last week we adopted a two year old dog (American Bulldog mix of some variety...we think perhaps Boxer or hound) who we named: Ruckus.
We had no idea we were going to adopt a dog. One day while I was at work the Rockstar decided to go play with shelter dogs for a few hrs. When I got off he asked if I wanted to meet him at the SPCA... I love animals so I happily cruised up there after work. We met this guy and loved him instantly. He could already sit and shake he was so mild mannered and happy for any affection. We left him there that night but talked about him a lot. The next day we took the girls to meet him and he was so good with them that we decided it was time to make him family. Upon bringing him home we also discovered he is already potty trained. Score!
Life with Ruckus this past week hasn't been all rosy blooms, love him though we do. Its been a major adjustment for us and by us, I mean the cat. Poor Roxy has been in hiding for most of this week and is just now acting as though she might be able to tolerate being around the rest of us with a dog in the house. In one particularly tense moment she may have bitten the Rockstar's hand so hard trying to get away from the dog that it bled all day and swelled up to almost twice its size. In another tense moment of trying to get past the cat with the dog on a leash I may have face planted in the laundry room and bruised my knee and my collar bone....whatever. Small price to pay for puppy love.
Speaking of animal love. A week and a half ago I decided to convert to full-on vegetarianism. I was about 90% of the way there anyway but then we watched a little documentary called Earthlings.

Life changer.
Not only is it devastating but it also clearly depicted how sickly the animals that we consume are before they are slaughtered. They have cysts and open sores, they live in their own filth and are so miserable that ingesting their misery has to have a negative impact on us (too new-agey for ya?)
 In my opinion ( and we all have to form our own) that just can't be good for us.
It really hasn't been difficult. Like I said, I was most of the way there anyway.
While I was making changes I also squashed my diet coke habit. Haven't had a diet coke in almost 2 weeks!
Over the holidays, for the first time since I dropped the 60lbs I lost, I allowed myself to put on "Christmas Fat" ... about 9lbs of it. It was "fun" to eat anything I wanted for awhile. It was not fun to feel like a heffalump. I've been focusing my efforts back on losing it. My workouts, paired with the recent changes to my diet have already taken about 4.5 lbs off in the past couple of weeks. I would like to lose 5 more by mid-May and continue to tone up, because I'll be off to....
I've never been and I am so pumped to party it up poolside!
And that, in a nutshell is life right now...
How about you?
Much Love Always!
Amber Lane