He proposed last night in a non cerimonious way---but none-the-less engaged they are.
I'm happy for her because she is happy. She said tonight whilst we were sprawled across their bed discussing dates, bridesmaids dresses, and colors -that she is ready to be married, ready to be a wife, and to start a family (she also said she wanted to break bread-to which I asked her if she wanted to be Jesus and if every night would be like the last supper in her house) so I know that she is ready and that she is happy and very excited.
On the other hand however- and you knew I was going to say it- I have an undeniable pang of .... I don't know what it is really--frustration, envy, loss, left out-edness ( I know there is no such word). I feel like my life just isn't progressing- with the exception of adding more cats to our home---(is it possible to become the crazy cat lady if you live with your boyfriend? Does the testosteron negate the cats?). I'm ready for those things too....but it seems that he will never be----we will be together 5 years in February and I've known since about month 6 that what Ben and I have is special--and we've proved that we are....but how should it make me feel after just KNOWING for so long---that he's still not sure enough about me?
I don't know. What I do know is that I sound like a big whiner. So I'm going to go.
