Prayers Needed!

This is not something I normally do - but I am asking those of you who regularly pray- to say a little one for Ben and I today, tomorrow, and the rest of this week.

As those who read us regularly know - Ben was laid off exactly three days after he proposed back in February of last year. We were devastated and obviously very discouraged but by the grace of God - have managed to get along pretty well with my salary and what Ben has been bringing home on un-employement.

For over a year now Ben has been applying for jobs and sending out resumes- with no results.... until last week when we learned that his old company is beginning to look at re-hiring and more specifically looking at HIM to re-hire for a position that is actually better than where he was before being laid off. At first I thought it was a bunch of smoke and mirrors ( we were faced with a similar scenario about 6 months ago to no avail) but Ben just called me to tell me that he received a call from the hiring supervisor and he asked him to come in TOMORROW for a face to face chat!

This is the furthest Ben has gotten in all this time in regards to getting a job and we are so excited we're bursting! My heart is literally aching though. Its exciting and of course I am thinking nothing but good thoughts for him- but if for some reason this doesn't come to fruition I will be devestated for him. I want this so bad not just for us and our future but for him- because after this year and all the ups and downs with un-employment he needs a success. I know he wants to help provide better for us and that he doesn't want to be home all day every day - he wants to work again and he wants to work for his former company again.

This is why I am asking you all to pray for us - not neccessarily to pray that Ben gets the job - but more that God will guide us and begin to open things up for us so that even if this is not where Ben is supposed to be - that soon we will get there.

On a more selfish note: it is completely terrifying to know we're getting married in June and that in July it is very possible that his unemployment will expire for good. I mean of course Ben would get any job at that point - even if its McDonalds but he would have to work like 3 of those jobs to bring home what he was- I think that would be a very scary mountain to climb as newly weds. But if that's our path- then climb we will.

Please think of us ladies & pray for the best!

Much Love Always

Miss Amber Lane

Baby May Be A Little Craz-ay

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

There has been much argument in the maison de Miss Amber Lane avec Bennyboo (I'm sure that makes no grammatical sense in Francais).

We've already established that I have a thing about a clean house. Yet somehow its been in hyper drive lately - ever since I got my wedding gown ... its like I've been thinking WG is too good for this messy room, WG needs a sweet smelling, cat free zone, WG deserves better than this. So cleaning has been happening room to room like nuts all week by yours truly.

Bennyboo would contribute from time to time- but on Tuesday when we came home from dinner and I started cleaning and Bennyboo flopped down on the couch to watch Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy while I cleaned the living room ---- after I had been the one working all day hadn't sat down any longer than for dinner ... I lost my cool. The argument was relatively mild and ended with me stomping upstairs to clean "my room" and Ben finishing his movie (that was actually my idea -- and I didn't see but a few minutes of it ).

We made up around bed time with me explaining to Boo that since we are expecting a house guest for Friday evening there are some things that I would like to have accomplished and they need to happen by Thursday night. Boo expresses that he understood and would try to be more helpful and we drifted off into dream land.

Fast forward to my arrival home Wednesday evening. I walk through the front door to find Bennyboo on his computer and NOTHING.... I MEAN NOTHING had been done around the house.

Now I'm going to clarify before I sound like a complete bitch (too late eh?) I'm not talking about cleaning ceiling fans and bleaching tiles and nitt picky things - I'm talking wiping counters in the kitchen, finishing dishes and vacuuming cat hair off the rug....visible cat hair. I'm talking picking up dirty socks and taking out the garbage. Things that ANYONE can see needs to be done.

Ladies (and gents?) I was HEATED! It's just not fair. Why should I work all day - physical work with residents, up and down on my feet all day; and then come home and do everything here as well? Especially when Boo isn't employed currently?!?!? Yes, he is working on some free lance things but without deadlines - he has infinite time to do some home cleaning maintenance - especially since he already knew that I was stressing about it and had already asked for his help!

The argument on this day was not mild. Glass was broken, sandals may or may not have been thrown. We hardly talked for four hours.

BUT. Shit got done.

We've since REALLY talked about what we expect from each other and think we've come to terms. We've agreed that sine Boo has a different standard of cleanliness and doesn't "see" the things that he sees that I will leave him lists of things that I would like him to do during the day as he has time. I did that today and it worked! Hopefully going forward this will be one of the keys to our success. However, it seems to be cyclical- things go well for a few months and then it starts all over again.

Rewinding just a bit though- notice how I mentioned glass got broken and sandals thrown? What's up with that shit?! Back in high school when I lived at home with Ma Mere I was notorious for throwing things - telephones especially- but I thought that now in my mid twenteis I had the problem licked. Apparantly not.

Several nights ago I was attempting to hang wall hangers on my bulletin board. I spend 15 minutes trying to simply "screw in" these hangers when there were no starter holes. Eventually I got so frustrated that I took my hammer to the cork board and beat the crap out of it. The board cost $7.00 but the relief I got from ripping it to shreds was priceless. When I showed Bennyboo he smiked and shook his head as though to say, "typical Amber".

When Boo and I were fighting Wed I tossed a decorative plate strewn with Yankee potpouri and a candle; frisbee style onto our hardwood floor - it shattered accordingly. Boo was not amused.

I'm pretty sure its not healthy but sometimes I get just so blindingly angry that I feel "something has to break". I meantioned I had this problem in high school - well one thing has changed since then. In high school I just did it, threw something neve thinking about the reprecussions. As an adult I feel my body tensing up, start to throw something or beat on it - and then I stop myself, think about if what I'm going to do is going to damage something irreplacable or expensive and then do it accordingly.

I'm about to make an analogy forgive me if its out of line; but its almost like the feeling you have when you try to prolong an orgasm- you to try to keep it from happening and you try to restrain yourself- but in the end- you just can't help it- you do it anyway because it feel so good.

Ugh.

Between this and my control issues/anxiety I'm pretty sure I could keep a therapists family fed for decades. I'm not against therapy- a time slot set aside in which I can talk about moi and only moi?

Sold.

Anyhow. Assistant called in sick, again, today. I had a to do list 100 miles long and crossed off 1, count em', 1 thing on it again because I was doing her job. I kinda miss my job - I sure hope she's repaired for the weekend. I have a friend in town and I AM NOT - working this weekend (ahem- famous last words I'm sure). That's the trouble with working for a 24/7 community. Activities occur even on the weekends, like it or not.

Well, I'm outta here. Hope you'll still read after finding out I'm a crazy, cleaning, diva.

Happy Thursday. Just one short day left!

Loooooove!

Miss Amber Lane

Tonight I'm Feeling: Tired, Content, Crazy