Fuuuuuuuuck.

So last week I received a love letter in the mail from my dear friend, The Federal Government aka: Direct Loan Servicing Center, announcing that in June the "economic hardhip" deferment (aka I'm out of college and still don't have a job mercy break)which I requested prior to this job when I was making a meager $11.25 an hour at a thankless job, will be coming to a screeching halt and I will be forced to resume making payments. Not that this tidbit isn't disheartening enough-but they have also decided based on my income (gross, not net) that I can afford $300.00 a month in payments!

WTF Mate?

This is without even calculating my other expenses- not even the very basic ones such as rent, utilities, or gas.

In a nutshell my monthly living expenses are as follows:

$165-every two weeks for my car payment...(yes I bought there paid there in college and am paying for it royally now)= $330
$300= rent split with Ben
$150= utilities split with Ben
$184= car insurance
$200= gas
$150 = food
$ 81= credit card
$100= other lower limit credit cards
$50= Alternative Student Loan
$1545.00 a month

Let's see- I net about $900 every two weeks (not bad-not great). Meaning I bring home about 1800.00 a month

1800- 1545= 245........WHERE THE FUCK IS $300 DOLLARS COMING FROM TO PAY THEM?!?!

Oh- and here's the kicker- I am JUST NOW eligible for health benefits...so what happens when they start taking those out too?

I mean seriously- I went to college to make more money...while other friends went to trade school or started working right out of the shoot and have worked their way to almost the same pay that I started at- yet they don't have college debt. So where's the trade off? Why did I go to college?

If DLS doesn't allow me to make changes to my loan payment amount I will not only not have money to pay them back but also won't ever be able to buy new clothes, shoes, underwear, toiletries- not even the essentials- but also won't be able to service my car, pay for repairs, have an emergency, plan a wedding, buy a house, get married, have a baby---nothing! Where is the break down here?

Before I freak too much I'm going to go- maybe I should call DLS before I have a hissy fit- they HAVE to change this- how else would it work?

And I also have to pose the question- if Ben and I didn't live together and split rent and utilities how would I even live?

GULP.