If It Aint Broke..Don't Fix It

In 1999 I borrowed a set of hair curlers from my sister to do my own hair for my sophomore homecoming,

They were nothing special, no switches, no bells, no whistles. Just rubber hair curlers in three sizes that didn't light up when they got hot, didn'tchange colors when they were cool- they just went in your hair with little horseshoe shaped pins, stayed in for 15 minutes, then came out, leaving your hair bouncy, shiny, and curly.

I never gave those curlers back and they have worked for me- without fail for over 10 years.

Only problem is; all the bells and whistles of the new curlers with their heat up clips and their soft, felty goodness made me swoon. My curlers were missing a few pins anyway and I thought it really was time to move on.

So I packed away my trusty curlers and bought a new set with the heat up clips and the felty, cool-to-the-touch curler and thought they would work fantastically- I mean they were made 10 years are more into the future from my other curlers, with the advancement in technology they had to work 10 times better!

Nope,wrong, nuh-uh- they freaking suck.

My hair is processed to a nearly platinum blonde every six weeks - its thick and though its straight, it will hold a wave when twirled around my finger. So explain to me why a $35 set of curlers didn't so much as and a half inch of volume?!?!?


I know this all sounds really stupid- but I just had a mini melt down tearing apart our upstairs looking for my old set of curlers. I have been trying to get in with my stylist for a week with no luck first they were closed for snow, then my girl got her car stuck in a snow drift, now I have an apt. scheduled for Sat. morning but an event that I'm the host of- tomorrow. My roots are dark and noticable and my eyebrows look like unruly little catterpillars- sure I could pluck but then I wouldn't be able to wax on Sat. and then the cycle would start all over again. Being the savvy chica I am- I figured if I could roll my hair then mold it into some stylish updo adored with a flower or a bow or something that would divert attetion from my roots and I'm banking on the hope that my glasses (that I only NEED to wear for reading) will cover my Bert brows. So imagine my frustration when my craptastic curlers failed to do the trick!

When I pulled the curlers out and stared at my limp, multi-colored strands the hissy fit commenced- I had to use my old curlers- only problem is- I had no idea where I stashed them. I stormed the bedroom for a few minutes before I called Ben off the computer and demanded he help me look as I continued to stomp around with a flashlight looking under beds and in backs of closets.

"What's wrong with you?!?!" Ben asked me finally

My answer?

"I'm mad because I bought a new set of curlers that suck and my old ones worked perfectly fine!"

I said it with complete frustration and disgust then there was a moment of silence before Ben and I cracked up, I pulled my head out of my bum, and remembered where I stashed the old curlers.

They are heating to perfection as I type. Tomorrow the new curlers go in the garbage and the old curlers reclaim their throne on my vanity.

Ugh.

I'm totally over this story and this dilemma. I've learned two things from this event:

#1 Always have a standing apt. for beauty maintenance
#2 And never fix it if it aint broke

I WILL NEVER PART WITH THESE CURLERS EVER!

Grr. PMS is a hell of an ailment.

Ladies,

Goodight!

Much Love Always,

Miss Amber Lane

Confusion

So I'm listening to the radio while I'm working right now and the station I listen to regularly does a segment every morning call: News That Didn't Make The News. This morning one of their topics didn't make a lick of sense to me. You tell me if it makes sense to you:

"The average shoe size for women has increased due to obesity"

Ok fine that makes sense- you're foot size does change when your body size changes and with things like pregnancy.

Understandable.

Here is the part that doesn't make sense:

"10 years agot the average shoe size for a woman was a size 5 - now it is a size 6"

Say what?!?! I know no one excpept tiny women under five feet tall that wear a 6 or below. I occasionaly wear a 6.5 (more frequently a 7 is more comfy) as do a couple of my friends. One of those friends is comfortably in the 130s and one of those friends is over the 200 mark - and I fall somewhere between them. We all wear approximately the same size shoe and we're all significantly different weights.

Yet I know skinny, skinny women who wear size 9s.

Sounds to me like this story is grade A bullshit.

I'm just saying.

And why are they just targeting women with this one? Yes this country has a growing problem with obesity- but it sure the hell isn't just women. Men have widening asses too.

Seem to me its just another way society/the media is attempting to make women feel like crap about themselves.

Hmph! Now I'm going to have to look at my size 6.5 croc boot covered tootsies and know that society considers them above average size.

My feet are "chubby" .... sniff.

Ahem....bullshit!

Roses and Thorns: Work Edition

Roses and Thorns in the Work Place:

Roses:

Veterans day in retirement community = spending extra time and attention on some very sweet, very proud world war 2 vets

Lunch out with said vets was so much fun and such a success

Danced with very cute residents this evening to some old patriotic tunes

Got reminded today why I love the 110 + residents I work for and was lit up like a Christmas tree with joy in stewardship.

Thorns:

Slipped in water spilled by a resident whilst flower arranging. Bruised my pride- twisted my knee - it hurt ll day - and still does now.

My decisions in regards to vet care for our house cats was brutally rebuffed and I was made to feel like a useless schlub by my boss even though I was well planned, meticulous, and clearly communicating my intentions.

Got into an email altrication with a co-worker after cc- ing my boss on an email I sent him requesting a meeting over a daily activity that we are jointly failing in. I received an email back from him today not to set up a meeting or discuss anything- but instead for him to tell me that I need to stop blaming him for not being able to do my job well - and he cc d that to my boss. How in the world is that appropriate?

His email succeeded in achieving its sole purpose- to make the young blonde activity director cry in her car on the way home.

This co-worker, myself, and my boss are having a meeting over this tomorrow. Not to "pass blame" my boss says - but to solve the problem. Yeah right.
I want the problem fixed and I don't want him to re-nig on covering my Thanksgiving weekend off but I'm not going to back down on this- I may have cried into my steering wheel tonight but I'm still super pissed and believe that I am right. How dare he chastise me - he has no business condescending me and I' m not going to take it lying down.

Ugh.

So this day has equally been rays of sunshine and shit.

And I'm exhausted. So I'm going to watch The Ugly Truth and go to bed.

And that's all she wrote.

Celebrity Malarky

Sherri Shepard has sliimed down and girl friend looks good. She showed up on the view in a bathing suit and wowed the crowds and is now gracing the covers of all the rags flaunting her new much slimmed down figure. Life for Sherri looks damn good, the only issue - she's lying like a rug!

On the both the cover of People and Ok magazine there are before and after pictures - the before picture boasts that Sherri was a "morbidly obese" size 16 and that now after mere months of dieting- Sheri is down to a size 6. Go ahead, scroll back up to the picture to scope this mess out - I'll wait.

You will clearly see that there is no way in hell on either size. I'll even give you a few more examples:

Before:

After:

Clearly Sherri has worked very hard and looks great- she's doing wonders for her health and her self esteem but shame on Sherri Shepard for allowing Hollywood to size gauge her. If she's going to have her weight/sizes plastered all over the media as an "inspiration to others" at least be honest. Sherri was easily in the 20s for her size at her heaviest. At this point I would say with almost certainty that she is comfortably in a 12-14 pants and probably pushing an 18-20 for blouses. And any woman who knows anything about sizes knows that this size 6 thing is BS!

This is why we have women in America with such views on weight and we struggle with anorexia and bullemia as much IF NOT MORE that obesity. It just irritates me. Let's be real.

This has me a bit fired up for no real reason other than it just annoys me- ladies we don't need to be a size 6 to be healthy, beautiful, and hot and the sooner we call bullshit on this- the better off we'll all be.

So I'll be the first to say it - you look good Sherri Shepard..but size 6?!?!

BULLSHIT!

Much Love!

Miss Amber Lane

Just A Self Indulgent Thought

In the last few moments I've been reading some of the blogs that I follow and I have this to say:

I'm so glad I know how to give myself a break.

So many of the blogs that I read focus on weight loss - which is great! Its a way to stay motivated and accountable to yourself.

What gets me is the games that these ladies play with themselves. They want to lose 10 lbs and then they'll get into a two piece swim suit, then they'll buy a dress that the like, then they'll get together with a friend that they haven't seen since they were smaller....etc.

Rewards are good - I like rewards especially if you're working hard towards a goal.

The problem is- once those 10 lbs are gone its another 10 lbs before that swim suit, before lunch with that friend.

I don't have a perfect body.

I definitely want to shape up my arms and widdle my waist some before wedding day.

But I'll tell ya what - I'm not going to let a little extra "love" in my middle or non toned arms stand between me and my tan and I'm not EVER going to apologize to anyone if they happen to think my body isn't bikini perfect --- and ladies its not.

But the best part is? I actually love my body - when it has extra lbs and when its smaller, when its pale and when its tanned (but more when its tanned).

My body may get sick from time to time or get a broken bone every now and then. It may gain too much weight sometimes and drink too much at others but its the only one of I got.

Sometimes I treat it like a temple and sometimes I treat it like a landfill- it really depends on my mood.

Some of you out there think that skinny is the only way to go - and you project that on your selves and that's fine just like some of us prefer blonde over brunette or coke over pepsi. But stop beating yourselves up and denying yourselves the pleasures in life.

When its all said and done I promise you that no one speaking at your funeral is going to say
Here Lies X she had super tight abs or a cellulite ridden ass or just couldn't lose those last 10 lbs.

They are going to talk about how you lived, your spirit, your joy, your legacy so its my advice to get out there, make those things happen and give yourselves a break.

And 100 extra cool points if you do it in a two piece.

"Life is Happiness Indeed" - Voltaire

One More Time For The Cheap Seats In The Back

I must have had some hateraid with my popcorn tonight because I have a strong desire to sign off on octo-mom. I generally try not to solicit an opinion on these matters but I think this woman is cray-zay and if she really gets her own reality show I may have to gauge my eyeballs out with a spoon and swear of reality TV for good ( yeah right ). Not to mention - the way she looks gives me the creeps- something isn't right with her face and I kid you not- I don't judge a book but if she was a blonde she would be a dead ringer for her:
Janice from The Muppets.

I yi yi. What would Donatella think?


I prefer to take my ques from Piggy:


"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a misinformed beholder a black eye" - Miss Piggy






Okie- 4 realz on the bed time now! G'night.