I can't believe how infrequently I've posted in the past 6 months. Today, I decided that I would re-read some of my more recent blog posts and realized - there really aren't any!
I've always been a blogger - I love to do it - but somewhere along the line my heart fell out of it. Not because I don't enjoy it anymore - mostly, I think because I don't feel like I have a story to tell anymore.
Now that I'm married, and we're not planning for a baby, and we don't have a new house - it seems like nothing terribly exciting is going on for us anymore. Nothing "blog-worthy" anyhow.
And sadly, part of the "sadness" that I was experiencing over the past month is related to that same idea.
Oh Shit. Now what?
I never got cold feet or had any doubts while Ben and I were engaged. Without a doubt I knew this was the man I was to marry. But now that we are married and more specifically just celebrated our 1 year anniversary in June - I've had those deer in the headlights moment where I ask myself,
"Just how long is til' death do us part?"
I know how this makes me sound but I'm willing to bet most women have found themselves in this moment at some point in their marriages. Especially women who dated a long time before engagement and then had a lengthier engagement as well. Ben and I had been together 6.5 years already when we got married. We have a strong, solid friendship and a deep love and respect for one another - but I'm not going to wax poetic and pretend that we are today, as hot and heavy as we once were. Ours is a marriage based on friendship - not passion - and I know that this type can be the strongest of them all but my heart is fearful of what its going to be like to never "fall in love again" and its made me feel very lonely.
Maybe that's why I got a puppy...
|Gratuitous Puppy Pic|
I love my husband though- don't get me wrong- he is my very best friend and I couldn't imagine life without him -
So again I ask....now what?
Now that we're married, and have good jobs, and aren't planning any major life changes (with the exception of a new place perhaps) what in the hell do we do to keep life interesting now?
I've been doing a lot of soul-searching on that one. So far I've come up with travel, fun-filled nights out with our other child-less friends (and friends who still go out even though they have children) Furthering education - did I tell you I've been accepted to a Group Fitness Certification program -yep I'm going to teach classes eventually - two years ago would you have thought I would be doing that?!?! Nope. Me neither! Auditioning for plays and musicals again, sleeping in, walking around naked on a whim, training a puppy, really...the sky is still the limit.
And It doesn't matter if I'm having "major life change moments" what ever it is that I choose to do - I've learned - that I will do it with all my heart and soul.
I don't know how to do it - I learn to do it. I enjoy something -I make it a lifestyle - Zumba for example on that one.
I approach my friendships this way, my job, being a new puppy mommy - whatever I do - I want to be the best I can be at it and I usually get pretty damn good.
There is no going small in my world.
Go big or go home.
I'm getting to another point here, and it is:
My can-do, will-do attitude also gets in my way. It makes me overly critical of myself and highly sensitive to insults and doubts from other people.
My short-comings haunt me.
When I can't master something, when someone sees my house when its not at its best, when my hair falls flat and my mascara runs....when I don't get enough attention from my husband - that little nagging voice inside me tells me these things happen because I'M not good enough.
I am my own worst critic. B/C I've pumped my heart into it all.
The trick I believe is going to be to find a balance between the positive and negative aspects of this trait and learn how to work the entire thing to my advantage.
Growing up is hard to do.
On that note (a much lighter one) this weekend was all about growing up - or celebrating a dear friend as he grows up - our friend Will celebrated number 28 this past weekend.
A casino close to our area has a 70s, 80s, 90s themed dance club called Boogie Nights so we headed there for an evening of drinks and dancing!
|Rocking the sparkly,blue , disco shadow and leopard print|
|Sam and I with the Birthday Boy on the dance floor|
|Me and Sam taking a dance break - don't know why I look like I have an attitude problem ) :|
|Will and I dancing - this man can DANCE and he does- hence the visible sweat|
The night before Will's celebration Sam and I headed up north to visit my cousin at the bars he likes to go to... I only took a couple shots of the night..
|Ready to go pick up Sam|
|Me and my cousin Danny |
Sunday was spent quietly. A nice breakfast out, grocery shopping and spending time close to home .
In all it was a good weekend.
Hope the rest of your were too.