Monday, June 17, 2013

Some Things, They Have to Change

Well here I am on a Monday again ( seems like the only time I can focus enough to actually write a blog).

This weekend was nice. Mostly uneventful but nice. I worked Thursday and Friday-
The Rockstar and I spent those evenings practicing and hanging out with the girls (they spend each day with him/us during the week now that they're out of school and this weekend was also his weekend).
Saturday was very lazy. We all slept a little late. When I got up the youngest was already up so we hung out, outside and I gave us both pedicures out in the sunshine. When everyone was finally up and fed we went to the pool for a bit before coming home for The Rockstar and I to get ready for our Saturday night show and the girl's to get ready to go to his mom's. Our show was great, our little after-party following was fun and then it was back to work as usual for me on Sunday.

For Father's Day The Rockstar woke up to a card and a movie gift card (to see Man of Steel) from me and when the girl's got home they gave him cards and a present then took him to breakfast and out shopping while I worked. Later in the day we all watched Warm Bodies together and then The Rockstar had the great idea of asking his 12 and 8 year old to make him Father's Day dinner with my supervision. I was not to coach them on what to make, just help where needed.
Our dinner last night consisted of heart shaped pb&j, tater tots, a crunchy granola bar, fruit cup, and a stale fortune cookie. You can't help but to smile at that. I hope that will be a sweet memory that he will carry with him through the years. We watched another movie together later, one of his faves: Flash Gordon. I found it incredibly boring and kept falling asleep ... so I've been told I have to watch it again - from the beginning...we'll see.

Today is my Friday and I'm hoping to spend the next couple of days running some small errands, relaxing, going to the pool, and formulating a life plan.

Yeah I said formulating a life plan. I can do that in two days off right?

There are just some things happening in my life that I'm just not that proud of right now. I mean don't get me wrong I have a lot of fun but at the end of (most) days I'm left feeling tired, over-worked, out of control, and over-all messy.

So what are these things?

Glad you asked.

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1. Sleep: I don't get enough. Ever. I'm working during the day 4 days a week and playing shows up to 4 nights a week. It is not uncommon that I go to bed at 2am ( or sometimes later) after singing all night to get up at 6am to make it to work on time. I frequently wake up in a panic, very late and have to rush to get to work on time (45 minute drive mind you!). This leaves me very tired, cranky, and impatient pretty much all day. Not only that but on days like this I look like complete garbage. Traces of last night's makeup ( I know shame on me) all over my face that I may or may not have groggily remembered to clean up before hauling ass to be on time. It's not pretty.

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 To fix this problem I first of all am starting a new work schedule next week that has me coming in later. 3-4 hrs later which will be a huge help to me because I don't plan on giving up the band (it brings it about as much money as my job and is way more fun). This way even if I stay up late, I'll still have precious hrs to sleep. Besides that I need to curb my drinking anyhow. Which brings me to...

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2. I drink too frequently. I'm not saying I always get slammed, because I don't. When you're "in the band" however, drinks find you. "So and so bought you a shot", "a pitcher of beer is on the house etc". I've read articles that just one drink can keep you from a good night's sleep. So I'm sure that besides not getting enough sleep anyhow, I'm not getting good sleep on nights that I have a glass of wine or two and then go to bed at a relatively reasonable hr. I need to pretty much stop drinking period on nights before I have to go to work. Otherwise I need to figure out how often is reasonable for me. Its easy for me to say ok I'm not working tomorrow guess I can drink but that may be getting in the way of another issue I'm not exceptionally proud of....

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3. I came a long, long, loooong way with my eating habits in the past 3 years and as a result successfully lost 60 lbs and kept it off without much of a falter ever. I have maybe gained 5lbs in the past several months so the actual number isn't too bad. My pants still seem to fit fine but overall lately I feel GROSS! The Rockstar and I were talking about this just yesterday, I don't sleep enough, may/or may not have a hangover or at least be groggy from drinking the night before so when it comes to choosing meals I may not always be using the most discretion. There have been several times in the last month or so that I've basically said "fuck it" on my way to work and driven right on through the McDonalds for breakfast. I'm not completely derailed in the eating habits- I mean I do share almost every evening meal with a vegetarian so healthy choices are generally built into at least one meal and he is also health/weight conscious but even he will admit that sleepily, drunkenly, lazily he will snack more on junky things than neccessary. My Diet Coke in-take is also through the roof. There is a pop machine in our break room and I am not shy about feeling up my cup several times a day. I need to get back to drinking more water!

The important thing in changing this is something I am well-versed in. Planning ahead. I've been very bad about making regular trips to the grocery. The Rockstar will go and pick-up what he believes are staples and I'll think OK that's good for now but then I end up without things that I would normally snack on or take for lunches. I have to be better about going myself. Some things that were always staples for me but are not for he:  ground turkey, apples, almonds, blackberries, hummus, sandwich thins, tuna, chick peas. shaved turkey, chicken, avacados, crystal light, egg beaters, feta cheese, grapes, 100 calorie pack Wholly guacamole.....

Tonight I am making the two of us dinner since we are without the girls. Chick pea and brown rice veggie burgers with tomato salad and chipotle roasted new potatoes. They are both vegetarian Weight Watchers recipes ...never tried any of it so we'll see how it turns out. I've had some reservations about cooking for a vegetarian and even more reservations about cooking for a picky 8 year old and a 12 year old who's also a vegetarian. Its a challenge. But I guess if I want to stop eating pizza, burritos, and eggs all the time (healthier versions of all 3 and all vegetarian but still...) I'm going to have to get over myself and get my ass in the kitchen!

Speaking of places my ass needs to go ....

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4. I'm not working out nearly enough. I used to be a zumba fanatic at least 2 times a week, plus any special event they had, plus I walked/jogged at least a couple times a week, and maybe did a dvd workout a couple times a week. Yeah...I don't think I've gotten a real work out in, in at least 2 weeks. And I wasn't doing that great then. Actually I haven't worked out with the same frequency, intensity that I once did since I left my marital home. ) : The Ex didn't like me to go to Zumba - too sexy he said (another sign he was crazy) and he wanted to know my whereabouts at all times so unless we were kayaking or mini golfing or I was walking the dogs I didn't get much exercise. Well chasing the baby was a ton of excercise too. Now its mostly because my classes are Tuesday/Thursday and during school those were the only week nights I could spend with the girls and they complained when I would go to Zumba instead of hanging out with them- so I cut my losses and only went time to time. Now since they've been out of school I've pretty much just completely stopped. Seems like Tuesdays were at the pool until late so we get a late start on dinner so I miss it, and Thursdays I'm working during the day (and starting next week until 8:30) so I come back and spend time with them. So I need to A: Find another class that is more conducive to my schedule B: Start walking/running again. C: Possibly join the gym The Rockstar belongs to.
While I said I haven't gained much weight I can tell from pictures that I am not as toned as I was this time two years ago- may even weight a little less right now than I did then but looked better then. Gotta change!

5. Iphone addiction. I'm addicted to Iphone. Not so much facebok and I don't tweet, or instagram, or pinterest ....but texting. I text constantly. When I'm not physically with The Rockstar we text all day long and I find myself physically annoyed, sometimes sick to my stomach even when texts go unanswered for awhile...not just with him with anyone. I have to charge my phone several times a day to keep power. I can't stand to be without it - unless I'm home, then I'm ok ...I don't want to self diagnose but I have a feeling its risidual effects of my last relationship. If I wasn't around my phone when he needed me - I was in trouble. I was to answer calls and texts immediately or I was accused of everything under the sun. Sigh. That sucks. Sometimes I  think I have more internal damage from that than I admit or even fully understand.

I'm going to recover though. And fix all these things and be the best me I can.... There is one more big thing that needs to change but its so big it needs it own post! So, something to look forward to!

Much Love!

Amber Lane

1 comment:

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

It sounds like you've got a really good grasp on things that you want to take care of! I'm sure you can accomplish all of these!