Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Back Among the Living

I can't believe its been since the end of September - and I haven't written a word. Well, I take that back, I've partially written some posts and haven't known how to finish them or fully and eloquently explain things the way that I've wanted to so I've abandoned them half written. I apologize to those who have shown me support in the past - its not very fair of me to not update with so much going on and changing in my world. Over the years I've become virtual friends with many of you- so I'm sure that's its disarming to hear so much and then suddenly silence.

Today I am breaking the silence.

So,So, Soooooooo much has taken place since last I've written. Some terrible things have happened and some wonderful things have happened. I've had to face some cold, hard, truths about myself and my marriage I've had to pack up my visions of doing things properly and by the book and not "stepping on any toes" and for once do things the way that I feel that they need to be done in my heart. Its been hard- continues to be hard in some ways but I can say only one thing that summarizes the way I feel right now - happy. I am happy.

I don't want to look back too much so in fast forward here's what I need to share:

1. Moved out of town house in mid October - without so much as a day's notice. Things had become so ugly between Ben and myself that it was damaging both of us (and our property) to stay in the house together. One Wed. morning things were particularly out of hand - so I packed an overnight bag and headed for the door. I never spent another night in that house again. My intentions were a hotel but another door opened and I walked through it. I am now renting a 3 bedroom house and am very happy there. Of course the few weeks that Ben was still in the house with the things of mine I needed to collect I suffered considerably ... clothes on the lawn, stuff just thrown in boxes and labeled with awful, horrible names he felt he should call me etc. He was kind enough to delete all my family from his facebook but every friend of mine saw all the terrible things he posted about me all over facebook too - it was very mature.

2. Ben and I are in the process of filing for a dissolution. We have no joint assets and really no joint debt. For those not familiar- this is a much quicker and cheaper process than a divorce. Barring any complications a dissolution takes just a couple of months from start to finish and the costs are minimal.

3. This is where I need the peanut gallery to not share their opinions - this is also where I need to preface by saying THIS topic is where I've had to not allow societal expectations and doing things "perfectly" to truck me down. I am seeing a someone else. Is he the reason for the end of my marriage? No. My marriage was already in shambles when we met and the separation already started. Ben however will tell you that its added fuel to the fire and he doesn't believe that the new guy isn't the reason we are no longer together. I know that everything you will ever read and any professional you ever consult will tell you not to jump into a new relationship during a divorce - but sometimes you have to follow your heart and that's what I have done.We met when we were supposed to meet and things have grown from there. I am not planning to divulge any more about him or our relationship in this post - I'll allow you all to digest this new information all on its own. But know how great I think he is, how fun, smart, sweet, and incredibly sexy I find him to be and be happy for me for I am truly very happy.

And I'm not perfect. And I don't do everything "right" but I'm OK with that since admitting to both of those things has led me to where I am today and that's exactly where I am supposed to be.

I think that's enough for now. I'm alive. I'm well. Things certainly are different for me but everything is as it should be.

Much Love Always!

4 comments:

Jamie Danielle said...

FINALLY!!! I was so happy to see an update, I was worried about ya girl.

Girl you only have one life, way live it unhappy? You seem like you're in a good mind set of things & happy. You just worry about you! That's all that's important!

Good luck with everything:)

Aishlea and Brandon said...

I too have been worried! You have to do what is best for you. Happy you are happy!

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

I have been wondering about you!!! I'm so glad to hear from you and am glad to find out that things are semi-okay. I will be praying for you and I hope things will work out. I'm glad you are following your heart and I hope that the rest of the transition will be a smooth one.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

I am so glad to see you post! I had just been wondering about you the other day. I'm glad that you're happy but very sorry to hear about the things you've had to go through with your ex. Glad things are turning around!