So today while I was at work, I got a message from Boo.
It read: "Our engagement pictures came today : ) "
It should have read: " Our engagement pictures came today ) : "
As soon as I got home I excitedly popped in the disc and Boo and I watched in horror as the mess unfolded.
In every picture, something is wrong.
Now I will be the first to admit that I am overly critical of myself. I like to always put my best face forward, that's just me - I don't do bad press. So when these pictures unfolded before me the tears, they were a flowing.
Even Boo admitted that I didn't look good in most of them. You know if your fiance tells you that- something is wrong. If I was just being overly critical he would tell me so.
So like any disappointed bride-to-be would: I obsessed. I clicked through each picture over and over again trying to determine what went wrong- and ladies the problems were many.
Strike 1 : I am not directly looking at or facing the camera in any picture but one (ironically enough that's one of the ONLY ones I like) and Ben was. What this means is that my face and neck start to blend together making it look big (Ben also says he thinks it looks as though our photog. may have touched up my jaw line where I'm prone to blemishes and in doing so muddled my face) compared to Ben's head on look which stream lines his face. Even Ben says in some of the pics I look like a cartoon character.
Strike 2: The dress I was wearing had pockets that when I sat would bulge out adding inches to both sides of my waist. Said dress also fit snuggly under boobs but flowed from waist- therefore every time I was seated- said dress ballooned out making me look 5 mos. preggo. I did not notice this, nor did Ben. It should have been up to our photographer to notice and adjust the post or dress accordingly. Also Boo wore a black shirt and my dress was black- therefore anytime we were close together you couldn't tell where either of us began or ended.
Strike 3: Our photographer left shadows in the pictures! There is one in particular where Ben and I are a few inches apart,up next to a brick wall and there is a huge shadow between us making it look like we just flubber right on into one another! Boo opened photo shop and removed the shadow within 5 minutes...why in the hell didn't our photographer?!?!
Strike 4 and beyond: Our poses aren't flattering or natural looking, in one set I look like I'm asleep, in another we look like we're going to tip over because the pose is so awkward, in some pictures the light is so bright on one side of our faces as opposed to the other that our faces blend with our necks....and the list goes on....
So ... After all this I'm sure that you want to see some pictures amirite?
We'll start with the descent ones:
Probably the best of the bunch- but Ben and I don't look like equals I look like a "real housewife of" and Ben looks like the dude behind the fence.
This one is definitely a keeper....
I like this one as well....I guess that's cause you can't see my face ) :
Here's where it starts to ugly. In a few pics I broke out the red pen to demonstrate my points...
Trying to show you where the pockets are in the dress ....
Can you spot my "baby bump"? Or rather my dress poofing out/half turned pose....
Where is my jaw line on the right side...oh that's right stupid door was open casting sun light on it washing it out.... and again my face is turned to the side instead of forward
But if you though that was bad...here is the mother load:
What the hell is that...even Ben says I look like a cartoon gopher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not to mention I'm sitting turned funny- making my hip look like my ass (ask anyone I have the flattest ass in the world) and those damn pockets are adding bulk again!
And last but not least:
We just roll right into each other like the Amber and Ben blob but there's a huge shadow between us! And I promise I'm not just being vain - I never said I was skinny but when Ben removed the shadow in photoshop (which I don't have saved) it shaved off 50 lbs!
Anyway, there are more but its late and I'm sure you're all tired of my vanity. To make a very long story a little bit shorter. I've emailed and asked my photog for a reshoot. If I can't trust his angles and editing now- how can I ever trust him with the wedding day pics?
So I drafted this email and am awaiting response: