I Couldn't Hack It

I'm pretty positive that this post is going to be a lot of words thrown at the page in the hopes that something will make sense to someone other than myself- if it doesnt at least I will have my thoughts recorded for my own reflection at another time.

I've read several posts today about happy marriages. Not perfect marriages (because I know those don't exist) but marriages where they have each other's backs, enjoy doing things together, support one another, have made it through 5 years of marriage, 18 years together, 3 kids, a bout of cancer - anything, everything, heaven and hell and they still love each other.

I couldn't hack it.

I have to admit that. I ... this girl ... couldn't hack it.

I can tell myself until I am blue in the face that it takes two for a marriage to crumble and while I do  believe thats true - I know that I stood at the precipice of my crumbling marriage watching the ground crumble beneath our feet and instead of doing everything I could to make it stop - I took a jack hammer and smashed that shit to pieces.

Somehow, for some reason, I was done.

There was nothing he could do to change my mind. He could not convince me to stay, he could not coax me into even trying. No more counseling, no sleeping on it. Hell, I even told him it was a trial separation just to get my distance full well knowing I was undeniably finished after 15 months of marriage. 15 months. 7.5 years and 15 months - what kind of person could so easily turn their back on someone they had been friends with since they were 11, dated since they were 19?

How did I get there and how is that even now 18 months after moving out of our home - while I don't agree with all of my behavior and actions since that time - STILL don't feel like I made the wrong choice in not being with him - but like I made the wrong choices about how to interact with him and conduct myself and my life since that time.

I couldn't hack it. I look back on our relationship and know that I loved him but from where I stand now can see so much that I didn't love - no common interests, extreme differences in energy level, libido, adenterousness. Things that we both overlooked because we were such great friends, got along, and enjoyed each other's company. Things we NEVER should have overlooked.

Sigh.

It makes me sad though. Mostly because I'm afraid that I'm never going to find someone who can love me for me, the good and the bad, completely and fully (Look at how completely selfish I STILL am when it comes to my ex husband) . Someone who can match me and stand beside me, who builds me up and allows me to do the same for them. Who will go on adventures with me. Who will keep me interested by never falling into a rut never becoming status quo - and in return I will do the same. Someone who wants me and only me and can't even imagine life without me.

I thought that I had found that in a very unexpected way at a very unexpected time in my life- while I was still picking up the pieces. But these last couple of months have been up and down to say the least.
I haven't written it off- HIM off completely e-ven now, even after being given plenty of indications that maybe I should - I haven't because I see in him all of those things - those things that I need and so desperately want and the knowledge that there is no one else in the world I want beside me more than him.

But he's been unable to see that in me. Because of my own insecurities I have pushed away someone who means the world to me and it breaks my heart everyday.

Sometimes I think that ending my marriage the way I did destroyed my ability for a happy, healthy, normal relationship - at least for a little while - at least when this started. I was broken and scarred and selfish and on new grounds that I was just getting a feel for. I didn't have a shot in hell. Not then. But I could be that girl now - I know what feeling like I'm losing is like and I don't want to feel like that anymore. I want to feel like I have everything in the world again.

But it just wouldn't be life if we got everything we wanted.

Dafuq Happened to Blogger?!?!

What happened to blogger while my life was in its deep black hole?

When I left all of ya'll were just normal bloggers, blogging about erryday life (and yes I meant erryday).
Some updated daily and had beaucoup followers. Some had rockstar giveaways - I even won a couple of them but then I took my blogging hiatus and all of my favorite, normal bloggers blew up to celebrity blogging proportions. I'm amazed!

Thousands of followers, sponsors, pictures of every stinking thing they do in their lives minus their
bowel movements.... no, pretty sure I've seen some commode pics too. Its kind of cool and I'm super intrigued but damn I feel like small potatoes. Which of course I am, and am totally cool with that but I'm stunned that I can't even seem to find blogs as small as mine anymore - and everyone has fancy pants layouts with about me tabs and sponsor tabs and I'm all - "When did Amber Lane get pigeon holed in the slow group?" lol. This all in good fun for real but I am totally out of my little blonde league here.

Oh and weight loss....every blog is about weigh loss! Don't get me wrong I love em' - as you know (if you actually read this small potato blog) I lost 60+ lbs myself a few years ago- but not only is everyone losing weight they are becoming like buff, super muscular, bad ass chicks - to which I say kuddos!

But seriously...where are my other small town peeps? Where are my other "single" gals in their late 20s. Where are my other childless sistahs? And when did blogger get so schmancy pants?

Is there a class I'm supposed to take and missed?

Probably.

Anyway.

Happy Friday Ya'll - The Rockstar and I have two shows this weekend tonight and tomorrow (then I'm going to need to be on vocal rest for days...well a couple because we're right back to it on Wednesday then again on Sunday - we are rocking it!)

Have a great weekend!

Much Love Always!

Amber Lane

4 Things and Weekend Recap

Joining up with Neely at a Complete Waste of Make Up for Sunday Social - this week is 4 things...


                                              




1. 4 Favorite Things To Do On a Weekend:
Let me preface this answer with my "weekend" is Tuesday and Wednesday and I have a bonus day off on Saturdays. At least from my "day job". This past actual weekend I had a show Friday night and Sunday evening as well so there really is not true weekend.

1.Sleep in for sure! I know they say that you should try to get up the same time on weekends the same time that you during the week but that just aint gonna happen. Especially when we have shows that last until midnight or later. I have to catch up on my zzzzs somewhere!
2.Kayak. I love to kayak! Went for the first time of the season last Wednesday. Ah heaven!
3. Shop. I love to shop but I'm a lone shopper. I could spend hours sauntering around, pawing through racks and I don't need someone to rush me!
4. Dancing, dinner, drinks with friends and a certain Rockstar!



2. 4 Favorite Things About Your Best Friends:

I've talked about my best friends before and how they're from all different walks of my life so I'll list one thing about each of my best friends (sorry gonna be more than 4)...

1. Emily: is my soul mate. Very rarely do you meet someone who is so much like you, you know that they will understand everything about you. We share similar taste in movies, books, music, clothes etc.



2. Rachel: Soooo funny. I never laugh so hard in my life as when I'm with Rachel. Her humor is wrapped up in her intelligence - she's kind of a female Seth Mcfarlane and errrybody knows how much I love me some Seth! I'm also so proud of Rachel's weight loss journey thus far! I know she's lost 60+ lbs already and still kicking ass! Trying to convince her to blog about it... hint, hint!



3. Megan: is family. We've been friends since we were 6. We've had our ups and downs but we came out strong. I know I can count on her for anything.



4. Jessica: Always true to her word. If Jessica tells you in 2006 that she's coming with you to Miami in 2011 she'll be calling you near the end of 2010 to start booking flights even if you haven't talked about that trip since you hatched it over margaritas 5 years earlier. She's also so creative and artistic.
5. Jennifer: God love her she's a pain in my ass but she won't give up on me. I'm not a big phone talker, I'm not the greatest at keeping in touch but she's always on me to call and/or hang out.

Doesn't really show his face so I figured fair game....



6. The Rockstar: I spend 99.9% of my free time with this man and he is truly the person I am closest to at this point in time. We play music together and have learned to read one another very well. He's a spectacular father, fun to be around, and a great guy.


3. 4 Things You Would Do With $100,000:

Pay off debts including school loans. Put money down on buying a house,condo, apartment, etc. Furnish and decorate said abode. Two Words: Tropical Vacation.


4. 4 Favorite Books You've Ever Read:

The Invisible Circus: Jennifer Eagan, Where The Heart Is: Billie Letts, Fried Green Tomatoes: Fannie Flagg
The Great Gatsby: F. Scott Fitzgerald (soooooo excited for the new movie). ANYTHING by Sophie Kinsella - its fluff but I love it!


5. 4 Favorite Snack Foods:

Almonds and string cheese, edamame, grapes, tortilla chips to dip in salsa,sour cream, and shredded cheese mix (not healthy- don't care- love it!)

6. 4 Things You Must Do Daily:

Geez I'm so out of a routine I'm not sure I have any dailies....all I can think of is brush teeth, go to the bathroom, shower - everything else seems pretty optional...lol.



This actual weekend was good. The rockstar and I played at a benefit for families that were victims of an apartment fire Friday night. We had a blast with our friends that came up to support us and the cause. We stayed out late and then woke up early to drive a friend who crashed back to their car. We were bad and went through Mcdon's for breakfast but it worked wonders for our hungover selves. We relaxed for awhile before the Rockstar's girls came home from their grandma's and we embarked on an afternoon of shopping and then a quiet evening at home. I worked Sunday and then we had a show Sunday evening. Now its Monday which is actually my Friday (hooray) so I'm working until 4:30 and then off the next two days. I heard around the way that Monday, May 6th is Chardonnay day so I procraimled today "Drinko the Wino" and plan to do just that later this evening. Tomorrow evening I'm attending a Cincinnati Reds game with my sister's and my mom for mom's b-day/mother's day gift. Wednesday evening the Rockstar and I have another show so my days off are looking kind of busy - as always, should be great fun.

Hope ya'll have a great start to your week!

Much Love Always!

Amber Lane

Weekend Recap and a Link Up

I can't complain too much about this weekend ya'll. It pretty much has ruled all the way around.

Friday night The Rockstar and I went to watch some friends play sand volleyball and then we hung out and had a couple of drinks after. Our friends are married and also play music together in a White Stripes cover band so we shop-talked and penciled in time to get the 4 of us together and jam.

We practiced for awhile when we got back to his place but I'm gonna be honest - my 4th glass of wine took over and my vocals were a little less than spot-on. There are 3 videos on my phone of us practicing that I haven't been able to bring myself to watch yet ... The Rockstar says they're pretty epic... I'm pretty sure I'm going to die of embarrassment.

Saturday was the day of our big show at a new venue in town. Days that we have big shows are usually pretty chill. We woke up and had breakfast ( he is a phenomenal scrambled egg maker - words can't even describe the art that he makes with eggs!) then he went to jam with some friends he's working on a punk cover band with and I partook in a little bit of retail therapy.

Stopped by the music store and bought a folding music stand (thrilling for ya'll I know)

Then I went to Macy's and lookie what I got.....

Loungefly Hello Kitty Handbag

You may recall from THIS post that this bag was on my lust list. Macy's didn't have it in the pink but they did have the cream for 25% off so I jumped on it. I love it. Love, love it ... I would love it even if it wasn't Hello Kitty. I love the shape, I love the rolled handles and the metal feet on the bottom, I love how friggin big it is - I just love it period. But because I am an overgrown woman-child Hello Kitty is the icing on the cake. (Mmmm Cake.)

I don't know about you ladies but once I buy a new purse I become a total snob about what goes in it. It's like all my old dirty crap just isn't good enough for my new pretty purse. So I may or may not have also bought a new hand sanitizer, travel wipes, hand lotion, gum, altoids and a new wallet....



Kenneth Cole REACTION wallet



I'm a wierdo what can I say.

I also went on a quest for a dress to wear for my show - I found a cute one at TJ Maxx and wore it last night but after one wear a seam started to come loose so it is totally going back to the store ASAP.

After the retail therapy it was all business. Showering, getting pretty, practicing, loading gear and then we were on the road.

We KILLED it! It was such a big show for us because not only was it our first performance at this venue but it was also our longest ever. 4 hours. That's a long time for an acoustic act. A real long time! We had a ton of our family and friends show up for us, at least 30 people on top of the crowd already there so the place was packed!

My mom took pics on her camera so I don't have any of us performing but I did snap a selfie during a break:

Queen of the selfie

And yes.... my mommy still comes to my shows sometimes and takes pictures- its like childhood recitals but with alcohol. Plus it was pretty priceless to see the look of utter disgust on my mom's face when we debuted Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" for the first time last night. She wasn't amused.

I thought it was HI-LARIOUS!

After the show we enterouged it to a local  bar with at least 20 of the people who came to see us

(It was epic when The Rockstar and I walked into the bar after unloading our gear at home)
and our friends who were already there cheered for us...Celebrity in my own mind...lol. We all danced our asses off for the last hour or so they were open and then called it a night.

This morning when we woke up The Rockstar again made a killer breakfast for me and our friend Jenny who crashed with us. We decided to be classy and sip champagne while we dined.

This is how we do

The Rockstar is sitting across from me in this pic but he has been cropped out - not because I wouldn't love to show his face - cause I would - but I don't have his permission and that's not how I roll.

I only had a glass though because this girl had to be at work at 2pm. Ah the glamorous life of a girl working in a 24/7 entertainment venue - doesn't matter who you are, who you know, how high you climb - at some point you are working an undesireable shift. Case in point 2-10:30.

Maybe karaoke tonight ( it never stops for me lol) but then back to work as usual in the AM. But it will be my Friday (I'm of T, W, S) and Tuesday and Wednesday are both supposed to be in the 80s and sunny. This girl is going to be bikini-ing it up in some sunny spot you can mark my words.

I'll close out my weekend recap by joining up with Neely's Sunday Social.

1. Did you sleepwalk as a child?

A little bit. I distinctly remember one time in particular where I woke up in my basement after falling asleep in the living room. Judging by the feeling that I had to pee pretty bad when I woke up, I'm almost certain I was moments away from sleep- peeing somewhere entirely inappropriate. The Rockstar sleep walks even now. I'mjustsaying.
2. Did you ever try to run away or sneak out of your house?

Constantly. When I was 4 I ran away to a neighbor's house because they had marshmellows. I was later to discover that we too had marshmellows but they were hidden in my mom's closet because - well I was a child who would literally run away from home to eat marshmellows and I wasn't to be trusted.

My love for the mellows has not died with age. It was just a month ago that I got back to The Rockstar's house from work and found this on the kitchen table for me:

The note says, "For My Skeezy Bitch" - yeah that's definitely an inside joke - I was once accused of eating someone's entire bag of marshmellows and because of this called a skeezy bitch in a voicemail message - like seriously -not even joking-a skeezy bitch. To tell the story looking back The Rockstar and I both found it pretty funny hence this little gift.

Man marshmellows have caused a lot of drama in my life. Sheesh!

I also ran away to my high school boyfriend's house when I was 15. Yeah mom wasn't thrilled about that. I came back later that night...by order of the police.

In case ya'll can't tell - I have had a bit of a wild streak.

3. Did you have any imaginary friends?

I had an imaginary ghost named Katie. I think my mom created her to "protect me" from other "ghosts. She would kick it with me at bed time so other ghosts wouldn't come bother me.

4. Did you ever go toilet papering?

I don't think so. But I totally should.

5. Did you ever sneak tv shows you weren’t allowed to watch?


Duh. We've already talked about my beig a rebel without a cause - so sneaking TV shows was pretty much a no brainer. Things I wasn't allowed to watch as a kid: Married With Children, 90210, The Simpsons, and You Can't Do That on Television .... The last one WAS a kid's show - I'm pretty sure my mom just thought it was gross and didn't like me to have it on when she was around.

Have a good rest of the weekend ya'll!

Miss Amber Lane

A Lady and a Blog Under Construction

For the first time in a long time I joined a blogger link-up at Kelly's Korner so that I can start re-connecting with the blog universe again. This particular link up is for 20-something women, married or un-married, but without children. Since most of the (lovely) women I have connected with in the past 5 years have since procreated and I have not I thought it may be nice to be able to get to know some other women who may be in a similar place in life as myself.

Then I realized; my place in life sure has changed a lot in the past 2 years!

If you are new here and found me by visiting Kelly's blog (or any other corner of the bloggernets), welcome! I'll be glad to "meet" you and I'm super glad to have you stop by its been a quiet year around these parts!

I warn you though - please don't let the title of this blog or my profile information fool you - this blog, much like this lady are both under construction!

First things first...
My name is Amber Lane (last name omitted for privacy - obvi!).





Random Pic of Moi sometime in the last couple of months(all I have relatively current are selfies on my Iphone)



I was born on August 8, 1984 (that makes me pushing 29 for those who don't feel like crunching numbers).

The original title of this blog was Miss Amber Lane Takes on the Universe.
It then became A Blonde Bride and Her Boo and then later The Blonde Bride Unveiled. N
Now if we were actively changing names based on relationship status my title would be something like:

"The Blonde Ex Wife and her Rockstar (pseudo) Boyfriend Who are "Figuring Things" Out Right Now While They're in a Band Together, Hanging Out Together and, Basically Together in Everything but Name "  (and yes I added quotes within a quote- I am a grammatical wizard!).

But that's too damn long for a headline so for now I've just left it alone.

As I've mentioned, I'm a lady under construction.

In 2011-2012 my marriage fell apart, I jumped too quickly into another relationship and went through a lot of shit as a result including; losing my career, my home, and my mind. You can read the sordid details here if you so choose. As you will also notice from that post, things are beginning to look up!

The point of this post though is to tell you some things about me that I think are relevant to today and who I've become since the last time I was a "regularly scheduled blogger".

2. In December of 2008 I looked like this:



Sister's Christmas Pic 2k8


 And looked like that if not slightly heavier by Christmas of 2009 as well. However after the first of the year I had this undeniable urge to change my life. Change the way I ate, how I spent my free time, and in turn how I lived my entire life. My upcoming nuptials didn't hurt by way of lighting a fire under my ass either.
At my heaviest I weighed in at 199 lbs (yuck) at5'3 that weight was no kind of joke!

 By Christmas 2010 I looked like this:



Sister's Christmas Pic 2k10

 I weighed in at aproximately 146 by this point. I took off 50 lbs from January 2010 to June 2010 and continued to lose.

This Christmas I looked like this:




Sister's Christmas Pic 2k12

 This is me at my current weight of 139 lbs. I reached my lowest ever weight around the time my husband and I split up in the fall of 2011. Aproximately 135. It wasn't because I was trying to it was because I was stressed beyond measure and could barely eat for awhile. As I began to gain control of my emotions I crept up a little bit to my current weight. I am happy with this number. Of course I do have other fitness goals for myself and if a little more weight happens to come up while striving for those goals - I aint gonna cry about it. Life is moving too fast for me right now. I still pay great attention to what goes into my mouth and try to get work outs in but I will be the first to admit I don't go to zumba, run/walk, exercise with as much regularity and frequency as I would like. I'm maintaing without much of an issue though so there's something to be proud of!

I don't consider myself a weight loss blogger. I may from time to time share some things that I've done that helped me be successful but I'm not an expert and don't pretend to be. I do feel that my 60+ lbs weight loss does factor in hugely to who I am today and to some of the messes things I've gotten myself into in the past couple of years.

2. Speaking of subject-matter-specific blogs.... I'm not one of those. Maybe I should be. Maybe in time I will be but as I mentioned (a couple of times now) I'm under construction. I admire the bloggy ladies who are sponspored, and have meet-ups, and do things like attend Blissdom but lets be honest here; in Amber Lane's world and the world of my favorite eye witness Sweet Brown:

I don't do crafts. I don't have a husband. I don't have an adorable child to post pics of all the time. Matter of fact I don't even have a home to show you pictures of decor and/or elaborate parties I'm throwing.
Pinterest makes me feel like a total waste of skin because I don't even kind of have the energy to complete a craft. So this blog is pretty much just a chick, living her life. So if you want to feel super good about your average, every day life - welcome to mine!

3. So what do I do with myself since I'm not a spouse, a mommy, a crafter, Suzy Homemaker or Rockstar Oh wait ... that's right ... I AM a rockstar!

Tiny pic but this is me singing at a benefit back in February

At least by night. By day I once was an Activity Director in a Senior Living Community and I was awesome at said career. Then life happened and I was sent on my way. I spent about 6 months as a sales associate in a boutique before I found my current position as a slave to a headset in a tiny little cubby at a local entertainment venue. Read: this is temporary. So that part of my life is really boring. My rockstar life is far more interesting. I am a singer in an acoustic duo with the before mentioned Rockstar/pseudo boyfriend. He rocks the guitar and background vocals and I am your front woman. Right now we are exclusively covers and nothing is off limits: Pink, Katy Perry, The Beatles, All American Rejects, Rihanna, Jewel, Deanna Carter, Blue October, Ingrid Michaelson, Pistol Annies - just to name a few. We've been jamming together since November and have in the last couple of months really picked up momentum. We started with 2 gigs in December. To having a weekly gig every Wednesday night and now every other Sunday plus other weekend night shows here and there. We have 9 gigs booked so far for May! Not only is it a blast but it also helps to pad my finances! Plus its something to I get to do with someone I really enjoy.

4. Yeah about that guy.... I think he's awesome. I respect him immensely, have over-the-top feelings for him and am pretty much throwing my heart at him. Unfortunately, Amber Lane is not without her demons and has not been the perfect girlfriend at all times. That's all that needs to be said about that. We're taking it slow now, seeing if we can overcome the hurdles that I threw up along the track. Whether we do or not, I consider him my best friend and have absolutely nothing but love for him.

5. I live like a gypsy. I mentioned before I don't have a home to decorate. With the loss of my job came the loss of my home (thank God it was a rental) so I packed up my big things and moved them into storage and took my everyday things to my big sister's where I have a room - that I never sleep in. I'm sure it irks their nerves to no end but I never stay there. I'm closing in on 30 and while they have never placed limitations on me as far as what I can and can't do - I have never warmed to checking in if I'm not coming home, or being all bymyself by 9:30 at night when everyone else either goes to sleep my (40 something year old sis and bro-in-law) or retires to their own room for video games (my 18 year-old-nephew). Sometimes its a little disheartening to not have a place that's all mine- especially after I have lived on my own since I was 20 and even in my room at their house I have to share space with the biggest, most space consuming desk that ever existed in the history of man kind, but for the most part I make it work. I mostly stay with the Rockstar or friends and I of course can always go "home". At least I'm able to begin saving to have my own place again sometime in the (hopefully) not so distant future.

6. As for the things my blogger profile says. Well for the most part they're all still true. I'm not a completely different person. I'm still as girly, girl as they come ( shoes, lotions, potions, and clothes all still catch my attention) and haven't lost my mascara-without-mirror application skills...but I truthfully can't even imagine putting the energy and effort into some of the things that were once so important to me like making sure I caught the latest episode of every god-forsaken-popular TV show known to man. I can no longer tell you a single show that I tune in for weekly. I do consistantly watch the most recent epidoses of Grey's on demand but never at the actual air time. I spend a lot of time playing gigs or practicing and hanging with the Rockstar and his family. At this point in life my relationships with the awesome people in my life are far more important than almost anything else.

7. What do I want from my future now? A life with purpose and direction and love. Maybe I'll never be someone's wife again - but I do want lasting love. Maybe I'll never be a mother- but that doesn't mean I can't have meaningful relationships with the children who come into my life through others.Or maybe someday I'll have both. Right now I'm just rebuilding - and the greatest thing about that is that I'm the designer, the architect and the builder and I can create whatever I want for my future. Its exciting.

And scary.

But I've got my game face on so I'm ready to go!

Shew! After all of that- maybe no one will even stop by from the 20-something link up but another chapter in my story has been written through this post none-the-less.
Hope you all have a lovely weekend! I We have a show tomorrow night and I work a later shift on Sunday.
So essentially work all weekend - so worth it though!

Much Love Always!

Amber Lane

Things That Annoy Me

Not going to lie to you. Its a gorgeous, sunny, warmish day in southern Ohio. The sky is blue, there isn't a cloud in the sky, I'm off the next two days after this and I am flat out, hands down Princess Pissy Pants right now. So in honor of that I thought I would post about the things that really "grind my gears" ... just so I can get some shit off my chest. Be warned ...it's more of a rant.

1. People who ignore your texts but update their fb status, like a picture, or take a turn at Songpop via mobile in the time period that you are awaiting a response from them. Its just fucking rude - don't be that person.

2. People who pronounce the words "hold" or "told" as "hode" and "toad". There's an "L" in there people- its not fucking optional! On the same topic the word "wash" doesn't have an "r" in it - You don't warsh dishes you wash them!

3. The thin cardboard inserts for magazine subscriptions that make you flip right to the pages they're attached to even after you rip them out. I understand the marketing aspect of this but for chrissakes do there really need to be 25 in every single magazine?!?!

4. People who try to talk to me when I am CLEARLY wearing my earphones. If I wanted to chat with you while I sat in the break room eating my Lean Cuisine I wouldn't be blaring Marilyn Manson into my ears at sound barrier bursting decibals.

5. People who say, "I'm over the moon" ... a lot. There is a blogger who is actually tres cute whose blog I used to like to read until she started puking that sentence up every third line - making me want to puke everytime I read it. Sorry chicky I just can't take it anymore. Its ok though, based on this post I'm clearly a raging bitch anyway so I'm sure you won't mind losing me as a follower once I'm on a computer that will actually allow me to edit the blogs I'm following.

6. Panties that start to come apart at the waist band while wearing them....this may or may not have happened to me today - for no other reason than - well sometimes that shit happens.

7. Roots. Hair appt on Wednesday cannot come soon enough.

8. People who try to start a conversation while you're reading a book by saying, "Whatcha reading?". Nothing. I can't read while you're talking to me. I'm going to just start throwing my book at these people and saying, "look for yourself!"

9. When people you want to be spending time with in the sunshine on a warm, sunny, spring Monday are out doing something fun and springy without you while you are stuck at a desk, wearing a headset, and your ass is hurting from sitting too long in the same spot.

Maybe this is why I'm annoyed....but what are ya gonna do. I know this post was raging bitch mode but I'm not going to be that girl that posts all this on fb passive aggressively so I'll passive aggressively post it to my blog and hope I come away from it all unscathed.

Much Loathe Love,

Amber Lane

Lust List

I know that since my great hiatus of 2012 that I no longer have any faithful readers so this post is mostly to remind myself that right now these are the items that I am lusting over.

Sephora Collection:
Free-Standing Easel Brush Set

$275.00 @ Sephora.com

This brush set is close to $300.00 but comes with every brush shape and size that you could possibly need. Not only that, but the case is designed so that when it opens up it is free standing so that the right brush is easy to find when you need it. This is an added bonus when you find yourself frequently getting ready for work in the AM in a certain "Rockstar's" bathroom and don't have your normal vanity space to spread out! I got my last nice brush set from Sephora back in like 2006 and have been using them for 7 years (wow that's a long time)! They're still great brushes but the handles are cream colored and even after washing they're still dingy and no longer so pretty to look at. Sephora's brushes last forever so I think its well worth the investment!



image via: www.sephora.com



Smashbox
Heat Wave Eyeshadow Palette

 $48.00 @ Sephora.com

Very rarely does a palette come along where I can look at all the colors and say, "Yes, I see myself using every one of these colors" (Urban Decay Naked and Naked2 palettes excluded). I saw this palette on-line today and definitely could see myself putting together some eye looks with each one. I especially love the top row - it reminds me of a bronzy summer sunset.



image via: www.sephora.com



 Loungefly Quilted Hello Kitty Bowler Bag

Price Varies By Boutique Site

I'm going to have this bag. I know I'm a grown ass woman but I love me some Hello Kitty.

Love. Love-love.

This bag is sophisticated enough that it doesn't immediately smack you with the fact that its embossed all over with a picture of a cartoon cat's face, yet still kitchy enough that it satiates my love for all things kitty. Plus its ginormous and anyone who knows me knows that baby girl loves to tote around lots and lots of shit.

Please reference this video:

Jenna Marbles: Things I Don't Understand About Girls

(HILARIOUS!)

image via: www.loungefly.com



Samsung Galaxy Note II 

Price Varies Based on Plan and Provider

Good thing I like to carry giant, oversized bags because I am seriously considering acquiring one of these bad boys. They are ginormous when in terms of cellular telluars but when I visited my friend Rachel in Louisiana last month I got to see first hand how much she loves hers and have since read nothing but positive reviews about screen quality and battery life. I mean, I love my iphone but seriously I have to carry my charger with me everywhere I go and if I happen to forget it (like today) I have to stay off Facebook, songpop, and stop texting all day long like a mad woman....no thanks!

 

Windows Surface

Price Varies based on features. Starts @ $499.00

I want one. Since my lap top and I were tragically and dramatically parted from one another back at the end of my last relationship I have been without computer. But its ok because laptops have come a long way since mine was purchased back in 2k6. I'm not a hard core gamer, I don't dabble in computer programming or anything I would need a heavy duty computer for anymore so this is the perfect little device for. Comes with Microsoft Office comes standard and it has all the email and surfing capabilities that a casual facebook, blogger, computer user like myself could need.

Doesn't hurt that I can get a pink keyboard cover ...



Rainbow Ombre Hair

If you watch Ridiculousness on MTV then you know Chanel Westcoast...she contributes absolutely nothing to the show and isn't even that pretty live action (google her print work though and you''ll be amazed at what photoshop does for this otherwise average looking chick..harsh, I know) but this past season she was rocking this rad ass hair color. I love it. I want it. Can't have it on the everyday thanks to work but I'm thinking of trying out some hair chalk and hoping it can look as vibrant and colorful as this.



image via: www.google.com



 Nose Piercing

I had my nose pierced when I was a freshman in college and kept it until I was hired into my first Activity Directing job at 23. I miss it. Not only that for some strange reason in the place where once my nose ring was, there is now a grayish blue dot that will not go away - so it kind of looks like I have a less sparkely version of a nose ring anyway. Me thinks I should just have it redone and get on with my life. I'm actually looking into it and options to conceal it so I can still have a big girl job.



Tennis Anyone? 

I love tennis. I love the game. I love that its played outside and I love that you can play it in a skirt. Truth is that I've never learned how to play by the rules. When I was younger a girlfriend of mine and I used to hit the ball around some but I never learned how to be technically good. I have pretty good hand eye coordination and I can be quite competitive so I think I may actually be kinda good at it if I learned. I'm currently looking into places to take lessons this spring/summer. Only thing is they can be quite expensive by the hour so I would rather take group clinics if I could find them. Just having a hard time finding them right now....but I will...fear not!





So concludes this edition of Amber Lane's lust list. Hope everyone (anyone out there anymore?!?!) is enjoying this sunny (but chilly) April Sunday!

Much Love Always!

Amber Lane